Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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