i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i love accidental penises.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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