Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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