ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
