why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
