Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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