Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
