I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize