FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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