My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
