By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
