Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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