who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize