dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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