Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
