First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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