do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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