Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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