My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
