He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
