i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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