...so i touched it.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
