this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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