Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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