I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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