I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
