Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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