I hate your face
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
