You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
