phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
