Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
