my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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