i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize