We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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