And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
