Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
