How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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