1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
