whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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