I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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