we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
