i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We had to coat check the pizza.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
