You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
