How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
