I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
