I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
