birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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