I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
