Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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