Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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