Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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