i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize