so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
