last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
