When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
