no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
