I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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