I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
is wine microwaveable?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
