what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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