weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
