happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
