Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
