you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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