she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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