Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize