Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
