The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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