does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
