I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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