You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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