Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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