im drinking this country out of the recession.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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