apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
