I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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