so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
