Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
