Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We don't watch enough power rangers
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize