He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
