You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
