She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
