I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
God I need to hump something, right now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
