Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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