Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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