I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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