Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I AM VODKA MAN
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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