Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
