worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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