I smell stomach acid.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
