The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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