then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
