final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
